o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
