oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
