super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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