Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
