in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I don't deserve a penis
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
