rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
