You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
