If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
