can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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