I'm going to jail i love you
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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