She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
