There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
