I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My balls are so social today.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
