i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize