I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
