There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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