At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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