Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
