what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
