i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
