I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
