hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
