Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
