I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
