you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Please don't give away my fajitas
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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