Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
