haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
