Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
