Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
