i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
whose parrot is this?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
