Just took my morning after pill in the library
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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