So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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