Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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