i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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