i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
