he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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