1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
