I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
