he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
