Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
