I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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