Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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