You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
