Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
