I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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