I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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