Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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