She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
