So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
