your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
