there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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