I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
