they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
