What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
