Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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