You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize