so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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