I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
