Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
