im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
they're like a gay fantastic four
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
His nipple licking is glorious
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