I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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