I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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