Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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