I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
