I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
