...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
